This has been a strange year. I guess life has been strange in all it’s difficulties and blessings. I look over at my son and see this brightness in his eyes. He makes it a point to tell me he loves me. Everyday we have a contest to see who will say, “I love you,” first for that day.
He and I watched an animated movie, Maquia: When the Promised Flower Blooms. I should really review; it’s so good. Basically it was about what it means to be a mom, to truly love another, and what we pass on to our children.
There is a line in the movie about how the son was raised so, that he would know how to love his wife. He learned how to love because he was so greatly loved.
It was so sweet.
At the ending, we were both crying.
He’s a kind soul. It’s rare to find unadulterated kind souls in this world. He would be a good husband (especially, since I need grandchildren).
And then, I think, maybe I influenced in a good way. I’m hopeful I was a good influence. I think about that a lot more as I age.
He was the one who first introduced me to V-Tubers back in the day. We watched Minato Aqua. I didn’t quite get into it since he understands Japanese, and I do not; but I watched because he enjoyed. It was something we could enjoy together. He doesn’t really watch V-Tubers any more except Indie’s here and there, and like him I’m beginning to pull away for the new year.
Through the years, I watched Korone and Okayu. I loved the story of how they got into Hololive together and the sweet friendship that grew through the years as they worked together. Sweet stories of teetee will always move my kokoro.
Since I’m a musician and songwriter, I do love music, and that drew me to Okayu, the way it draws me to the great vocalists in Niji EN. Back when I started university (this is early 80’s) I was a music major. I couldn’t afford college and so left that field of study. Probably for the best. Being a music major made me enjoy music less. Does that make sense?
Okayu’s voice is still one of my favorites. I still check up on her music because she’s just got this voice that stands out.
I look at how my daughter married a man that was her best friend for nearly 15 years. He treats her like she is the most precious gift he’s ever received. She treats him the same. They love each other with everything they are.
Despite my problems I have two great kids who grew up to be good humans.
It’s funny how blessings work. I wrote a poem once, “Some Be Blessed, Others Be Cursed.” I had been thinking about so much when I wrote that poem.
In one way, I am greatly blessed. Last year, I was living in my car and now I am comfortably staying in my mum’s home, ready to buy my own home, in a beautiful mountainous area of the world. I was hired out of nowhere when listening to a local radio station. My boss gave me a really big Christmas bonus. It was very unexpected. I thought they made a mistake and put the wrong amount of money in my account. I called him and said, “Um, boss, so-and-so, our accountant, accidentally put this money in my account.”
“Not a mistake. Merry Christmas!”
And, I died.
Luckily, I resurrected.
Speaking of being reincarnated. Was I? Sure, this is still me promoting this song, Reincarnation by Millie Parfait.
I make no excuses for my obsession with this song.
Anyway, the company I work for treats me so kindly. They act as if I’ve been their blessing by taking this position. It’s very unexpected. I’m not used to be praised for a job well done.
That’s what you call a blessing, I suppose.
But there is always this gnawing expectancy that the other shoe will drop. Like, how will I mess up this part of my life?
I had to sell my car when I got here to pay off debts.
And then, my brother just randomly drove a small car up to the mountains, got it registered and gave it to me. It’s a POS car but drives me to and from work and all over this little mountain community.
Josh’s best friend in the world – truly his soul mate – has always been there to help in any way. My son was so blessed with this dear friend who is an amazing man. Both are RPG nerds. And, I think that’s pretty cool.
We are blessed.
And yet, I always have this feeling something bad will happen. Isn’t that strange? I think a lot of blessed people feel either undeserving or tenuous to enjoy goodness because badness is always lurking around the corner.
I mean, I have had many bad things happen. I had a less than stellar childhood of dysfunction and abuse. I’ve made a lot of bad choices.
My son always having physical pain, and losing his way in life because of mental illness has been the hardest. I would gladly take it from him so, he could have a good life. He has so much to offer to himself and others. He is so talented artistically, spiritually adept, and brilliantly genius. But it seems God just wanted him to have this gigantic obstruction of crippling OCD, and other comorbid problems that follow.
But life seems to always fall short in some way. It’s like… don’t be too blessed. Let’s just hold back a bit. God can be cruel and yet, we are given enough snippets to feel blessed.
My Grace is easily available to chat but still stuck in another country. She’s so cute and too good for me. She’s both sweet but can be a badass girl boss when she’s confronted. It makes her kind ‘a hot, not gonna lie.
Sometimes life can be very difficult. Despite so many good things and blessings there are harsh realities that can really make one question why. What’s our purpose? Are we really here just to suffer? It always comes back to a meme.
Anyway, I’m struggling this year with music and creativity. I need to get back to being a creative. I also want to read more and watch more anime and Indie film, and do some reviews on shows, movies and K-drama. And, I know I said I was going to write a praiseview about Nina. I’ll probably do a small blurb review later.
Any of you have a reality check as the year ends? Do you count your blessings? Do you only see the bad? I hope life is treating you all well.
Here’s a small poem
As I Recall (Poetry to the Third)
As I recall
Your hand held mine
We stood at the stove
Danced in the light
Of the moon as it crested
Over the horizon’s line
We made yakisoba, our hands grazing on and off
I knew how to cut veggies and you did not
You called me a chef, though I am not
You made me try natto
And everything came up
As I recall
Life was lived
At one time
As I recall, that one time
Its so random and not very good but I’m throwing it up for Grace. I told her I’d write a poem. (Hi)
Please have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday! I hope you are all blessed with those you love and those who love you. May you find what you seek and search for in this life.
Love you Gracie! 🙂 ❤
2 thoughts on “As I Recall (A Poem), this Holiday Season”
I also love that relationship between Korone and Okayu. Okayu’s one of the few vtubers I still follow on a regular basis, both for her songs and her ASMR streams — her voice is truly something. Same with Millie. That new song is excellent.
Best to you and your family, and happy new year!
Hey, I never replied to this. Happy New Year to you too, AK! 🙂 Best to you and yours.