My Strange Life and What…?

I’ve worked the 9-5 routine for a long time. I’ve worked in retail, sales, delivery, customer service and healthcare. When I lost my job last year, it really made me reconsider a lot of things.. and cry a bit. And then, the rent went from $950 to $1425 the same month; I cried a bit more. All expenses went up. Debt piled up. Instantly, life changed, and I fell into deep depression.

That car is now gone – sold to pay the debts. It was a nice home for awhile.

I had to live in my car a few months with my son who is incredibly off-the-charts OCD with other comorbid problems and at that time, I might have lost a bit more of my mind. It’s okay, I’m slowly getting it back.

It’s kind ‘a dead here.

My oldest sister (the one who likes me) told me to come work where she lived in a dying city in the Midwest. Once I got there I found out she didn’t actually have somewhere for me to stay, and so the last of my savings was spent on hotels.

It was then, I was offered a place to stay at my mom’s in her little cabin in the woods. It is seriously in the woods. Beautiful but really remote with no Whole Foods Markets, or Sprouts anywhere to be found. Fortunately, Amazon does deliver.

It was incredibly kind of my mom to offer, since I had been very distant to her since I left for Texas in my early 20s. Of course, she didn’t exactly make an effort to chat with me or her grandchildren, either. So, it came as a surprise she offered, but my son and I had nowhere else to go so we headed to the mountains of Arizona.

And then things got a bit strange.

It was appropriately torn onto this poem.

My other sister, who lives next door, thinks my son and I are demons. Yeah… there’s that.

She texted to my mom, they’re “EVIL.” I told her she should possibly see someone about her psychosis. She listens to this Christian pariah on Facebook that lives in Mexico. I think it may have an adverse effect on her psyche – -just sayin’.

What do you mean, I’m crazy?
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So far, she has come over screaming and banging on the door a few times, walked in while we were gone to trash the place a bit, screaming at the top of her lungs. She tore my book and threw a case of water bottles into the fridge making a mess. My son was asleep in the bedroom and instantly awoken, calling me to rush back home. I had considered getting a restraining order but my mom doesn’t want me to call the cops on my crazy sister.

Overall, its been kind of strange and surreal. I mean, this is like a real Lifetime movie. Its so weird. She’s constructed a narrative that my son and I are slowly killing my mom and casting evil spells because a cabinet fell off the wall and injured my sister’s foot. She just knew it was me and my son casting evil spells. She is still texting my mom that I’m saying evil things in her head. There are voices in her head. My mother keeps telling her to go to a psychiatrist and get help. My sister insists she’s not the one that’s crazy.

My mom’s cat, Tater, has attached himself to me and likes to help me write. He’s a cute little chunky boy.

Its gotten a bit comical; but then, I like dark comedy.

Other than that, I’ve been trying to find a way to make a living and leave my mom’s home. I have fallen in love with her animals but we have to find a place of our own.

Anyway, I have applied for over 50 jobs… possibly more. They are similar in that I want a “remote” job and one that can work with my ever-changing schedule; since, I care for my son full-time. You know what? Those jobs don’t exist except for one that I’m working at right now part-time. It pays very little and while in the mountains the connection gets dropped constantly, and the company keeps changing its schedule – very wonky. But I can make it work for some money – just not enough money to move out and on my own since my son has a specialized diet and fresh food costs more than canned and frozen foods. I have to make everything from scratch.

Recently, I also had to go to the emergency room because I was throwing up with severe pain all across my chest and stomach, and shoulders. I thought I was having a heart attack. My temperature fell over a degree and I couldn’t stop shaking. But I’m good – just a little too anxious with GI problems.

Oh, what to do, what to do…?
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At this time, I began to spend more time watching V-tubers, but that’s neither here nor there. (I’ll write on them in the next post because I might possibly be a Simp.)

So what occupation can you do within your own hours and within the constraints of having to leave to help another at any time of the day?

Writing. I have written content on and off for years. It just doesn’t pay very well. I don’t have an English degree; yet attended college, garnered quite a few credits, and obtained credentials but no degree. I know, can you believe it after reading this stellar bit of writing?

They say you need to do something you love, right? I love to write and play music. That is very competitive right now. I’m only an average person and not a gifted person.

It’s actually $5.99 but still a deal! Costs the same as a fancy cup of coffee or a Boba Tea.

Let’s see…. I might need to learn how to promote and use SEO.

I published that small poetry book, Intermission Poetry: Thoughts While Taking a Break, that has some of my best damn poetry that I’ve written in a long time. Unfortunately, it hasn’t sold as many copies as I might like (embarrassingly only around 10 copies *cries inside*). I’ve considered bundling my two poetry books at a discount. I’ve also just lowered the price. BUY! BUY! BUY NOW! Again, you can buy it here.

Stop being such a baby, yeesh!
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Grace told me I should write romance novels. They sell. The thing is, I don’t read romance. I don’t even like romance novels. I like stories that have sweet romances within, but that is just a good story.

My family told me poetry doesn’t sell these days. I suppose it doesn’t, all things considered (selling only 10 copies of my poetry book *cries inside again*). But by golly, I wrote what I liked.

I’m working on two short stories that I really enjoy writing: The Lonely Ones and Fail-Safe Suicide. They are a bit of paranormal and fantastical fiction. I enjoy writing this type of fiction, like my novel Tesday Will Get You Killed, that I still haven’t published (I’m still editing – I’m slow, okay?). Nobody wanted to buy when I sent out queries. I always think I want to write a tragic ending or bittersweet romance but then… I get attached to my characters and can’t bring myself to kill them off or give them a sad ending.

You suck at this drawing thing

I used to read a lot of manga back in the day. I just don’t draw very well.

My writing is average. My illustrations are hilariously bad.

How about a podcast? I do have a unique and one-of-a-kind voice according to others. Perhaps I should try my hand at that? What would I talk about? How to be a loser in 10 easy steps? That might actually work.

Do you think they’ll recognize me?

The Average Loser – Podcast For You, Yes You, You Idiot!

Or, my pseudonym (don’t tell anyone) Owen Labbit.

Owen Labbit: Fiction, Fandom, and Fantasy

What do you all think? What should I do? I’m horribly undecided and I procrastinate. Please share your opinion and thoughts if you wouldn’t mind. I’m just very… lost, at the moment.

Please don’t take me too seriously. I’m just ranting freely on this blog. I spend much more time meditating these days. It does help. Introspection always helps. We have to find out who we are and be secure in that person. It is the person we do live with every day.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” — Aristotle

I’m still working on this.

Anyway, let’s listen to some good music.

Did you see this cover? Do you like Pomu’s? Are you Pomu? Do you like to listen to fun music? Then listen to this song because its pretty darn good and they can claim they are the very first V-Tubers who made it to space thanks to Pomu attaching their standees to a weather balloon.

Happy 1st Anniversary Lazulight! They made my simptom a lot of fun in the last year. 😀

Thanks for reading. I hope you all the best in your life of searching, and seeking, and finding what you love.

Hi Gracie! 🙂 ❤

Next post will be about Characters – Part II, or a commentary on the delightfully unfiltered, Millie Parfait. I’ve been working on both.