Let’s Skip Day 10 and Let This Go To 11!

The 30-Day Writing Challenge had Day 10 as, “Write about something for which you feel strongly.”

That’s pretty much most of my rants on this blog.  I figured I could skip this and go straight to 11.

The possibilities are endless

BUT, I will post another General Hospital rant soon and you can consider that Day 10.

Now, for challenge 11:

11. Something you always think, “What if…” about.

I have a lot of these scenarios.

First one is, “What if I came out of the closet in my late teens?”

I was pretty cute (around 100 pounds and petite) when I was young, and very tomboyish, and without realizing it, I had gay women attracted to me that when I look back now I think, “Oh yeahhhhh, that’s why she was acting that way?”

I would have probably hooked up with them. We’d date for awhile, and I would have been a total love ’em and leave ’em type of lesbian, I think.  I’d probably be totally into martial arts, still playing music, and still in California.

Or, I would have met the woman of my dreams and be living happily ever after and without kids up in Oregon or Washington.

Or, I’d be a lesbian who drinks too much and depressed, and like those ones I meet now who are very desperate in their older age.  (That’s very unbecoming.)

Or, I’d be super fat, and spent, broke, and just drink myself to death.

Yeah, probably that last one.

And that “What if…” is snuffed by the fact I would hate that “What if…” because then I would not have my kids.  And they are truly my life’s love.

And so…

The second scenario is, “What if I’d been a better mom to my kids?”

I usually think about that the most.  What if I would have taken them to the park more?  What if I would have hugged them more?  What if I would have listened to them more often?  What if I would have spent time making them homey stuff, and baking cookies, and just being an awesome mom who loves them and appreciates them in everything they do?  What if I would have just been a better person for them?  What if I would have left their dad sooner, and they would have had a happier childhood?

Would they not struggle with mental illness the way they do now, if I would have just been better for them while they were young?

I think this is my most often “What if…” thought.

Ah well, I have a lot of “What if…” thoughts and the thing is – “What if…” helps nothing for now.  It’s because the past cannot be changed.  Only the future can be changed into a better future, and so “What if… I stop thinking this type of thought for today?”

I hope you all have a wonderful day of seeking and searching and finding the best! 🙂

Love you Gracie! 🙂 ❤

30 day writing challenge

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