Why I’m Not Blogging….. grrrrrrrrrrrr

Hey, just an update for anyone who visits my blog.  My laptop broke.



And then my daughter gave me her old lapto

I am seriously typing as th(TH NOOOOOOO ISj






keyboard is messed up. on the new laptop she gave me

Seriously, I am just leaving what it does to what I write.  I have an entire paragraph and page disappear because this keyboard is wonky

Nevermind.  Okay, so I’m not posting because I need a new laptop or compu..



I’ll end here before everything disaPPEARS.


New Page: Autobiography Beginnings and Forward Progress…

I realized whether I’m writing on my blog, working on a novel, jotting down some poetry or writing a new song, I love to write.  I’m one of those folks born with a need to share what’s on my mind and I have this crazy creativity that needs to get out of my system.  I’m self-absorbed or self-indulgent like that, but then its why we have writers.  Writers share a message and others are free to read and like, or read and reject or ignore; but we are gifted to write.  There is that part of creativity in writers.

I have been needing to write down my memoirs for awhile.  It was bound to happen and so I have a new page, Autobiography Beginnings, that I hope you will enjoy reading.  I’m working on this book and will add the chapters as I write them.

Today, I will place this excerpt from the book beginnings Chapter Two titled, “Forward Progress,” because it was originally written as a blog post and it fit in Chapter Two quite easily.

Forward Progress

This could mean many things depending on who is progressing and who is moving forward. My life has been defined by a spiritual progress. I went from small child dependant on an omniscient God, to a child who hated God, and then to a child who questioned God, and then to a totally accepting adult with a dogmatic and unbendable belief system (falsely called faith), and up to now where I am a progressive follower of wherever God takes me and shows me truth through the lens of love.

Now, that last part in my journey may seem too hokey and rose-colored glasses, but I know that I see clearer looking toward the light when I keep my shades on. I don’t want to be blinded by the light.

God, the Great Creator, the one inside and outside and within and without, is defined by humans throughout time. The forward progression of our thoughts on God is decided by culture and time period.

God is viewed through the lens of how we view our world. God becomes defined by those who speak the loudest about God. Thus, we can have some real asshole beliefs about God, when in reality we are simply viewing God through a pile of whatever came out of the wrong end of a donkey.

If you are raised sitting around a campfire and listening to the Shaman share his view of God, then you will probably believe God to be whatever this Shaman said. If you are raised in an organized religion you will probably believe whatever said religion and preacher up front tells you of God.

Rarely, do we step out and progress further in our God definition than what we’ve been taught. We get secure and find comfort in having a fully explained God, neatly placed in the box of our religion and upbringing.

But then, there are those who step out of the box, leave the cave, leave the building, leave the doctrines of tradition, and the authority who states, “that’s just how it’s always been,” and start to search for God outside the box.

This was me when I not only came out of the closet, but also came out of my little spiritual box.

This can be called, “Forward Progress.” In a culture it brings about new religions and new governments and new laws, and revolutions; but, on a personal level as one human being, it can bring about all types of life changes and life directional shifts and upheavals, or a revolution of thought. This is a new chapter in a life.

It brings about change – either for good or for bad. But then, good or bad is decided by whom?

Who decides what is best for you? God? Whose god? Questioning outside the box leads you to even more questions. You realize the world is one infinite question after another, and you either keep pondering or jump back into the box, or find another neatly put together box and jump in that one. (I think that’s why you’ll find many diehard Catholics become Mormons or a Protestant going to Catholicism. You see a lot of box jumpers.)

Who IS GOD, then becomes, and became, my question. When we begin to ask who we are to God, we then need to ask who is God to us. Who is God to…me?

In this day and age, early 21st century, if the world is progressing forward then we are at a time when wars, hate, lines drawn, societies building walls, humans developing anti-equality laws, relationships, and cultures have to say, “We learned from the past, and now move forward to a more enlightened future.”

Do we progress forward? Do we make good changes or bad changes?

I believe as I earlier stated about how an individual jumps back in the box or chooses a different box, rather than exploring a more enlightened path, our countries and societies do the same thing. It’s why we have Neo-cons in the United States and why we have new abusive and violent laws against gays in other countries like Russia and Uganda. We step forward in kindness and then step backward into hate.

When I earlier stated that I began to see the world through a love colored lens I realized I could not step backward into hate or jump from one box to another. I was finally free from that box and was ready to explore the world in a loving and caring way. If I’m being loving and caring then I won’t be judgmental and hate-driven. I can’t tell you for a fact, dogmatically that this religion is better than this other religion, but I can, for a fact, say that God is real to me and people are here to stay and so I either get along with them or live in a box.

Let’s look at the God picture for a second: I have to ask, “Is God good for us or bad?” Who defines good and bad? Is God good or bad? Perhaps that’s the first question we should ask. If God is infallible and constant, infinite and timeless, creator of all, then what does that have to do with good or bad? It just “IS.” So then do we really care if God is good or bad?

This creation has good and bad things – evil things at times when you consider cruelty and inhumane actions. Is this how we find God – through humanity? …The predator/prey example? Destructive forces of nature in constant turmoil and constant climactic change?

Well, there is no good answer to give us any real definition. We could stand our ground on one definition, but then what source do we go to in finding solidity to this conclusion? If we are progressing forward then we don’t stop on a definition. We don’t get comfy despite the little box we found that has a really soft blanket inside. There is NO SUCH BOX THAT HAS EVERY ANSWER INSIDE.

And, if we stop then how do we explain the progression of history on humankind and creatures alike? We don’t still live in caves and even if you don’t believe in macro-evolution you do realize there has been myriad micro-evolutionary changes in our world proven scientifically.

Forward progress is real and a must, for cultures, societies, and for us as individuals.

Our culture has constantly changed. Our technology has constantly changed. Our communities and political systems and those lines of power have constantly changed. Life and livelihood keeps progressing and moving forward. Movements have come and gone. New religions and ideologies sprout up and then die out.

Our view of God, in those same transient ways, also change.

And then there is me. I have read the Bible for over 30 years over and over again. I saw the words one way 30 years ago, and then another way 20 years ago, and even differently 10 years ago, and now everything is so different in how I perceive the wording. Did the writing change? No. (I read the same version.)

I ended up progressing and moving forward. I stopped listening to what others told me. I got quiet and began to listen to that small inner voice. I say God spoke to my heart. I opened my eyes. I finally listened.

I know when I look at other human beings that God is not them. God is outside humankind, and yet within us each, but only when we notice it inside. God is outside a book of words. God is outside every individual and yet dwells with each one of us. Some seek and some don’t care. It’s not a contest.

Inspiration is fully given to anyone – any old Joe or Joanne on the street. I see a smiling clerk at the store who tells me to have a good day from the very core of her soul and mean it, and I am blessed by God because of her being inspired to share this joy inside. We are ALL able to be inspired by God and have an inspired word at any given moment.

To say that your religious box, neatly put together centuries ago, by those who decided and spoke the loudest is the only box to use is a lie. “This is our unchanging box.” Others come along and look in the box and don’t touch the contents and keep passing it along completely intact.

I came from a Christian fundamental; grace alone, infallible Bible-only, inerrant truth, type of box of religion. This was the only box I dared to look inside. One day God told me, “STOP.” Stop and look up. Go outside that box. And this began my forward progress.

Boxes are fine for a time, but they eventually fall apart like all things made of cardboard. Getting a bigger and better and shinier box to place all those little things inside doesn’t change the fact you cannot progress inside a box.

God will not ever, nor will God ever, stay in a box created and manufactured by human beings. When you realize this it’s the first step in truly knowing God. Not that you ever truly will, but you are on the journey finally.

It’s like children and their toy boxes. Eventually, they move away from that small group of toys and go off to college and see the world (unless, you happen to be a character in Toy Story).


I like Jesus and the idea of Jesus. There are so many schools of thought as to whether he existed or not. I don’t think I really care one way or the other. I like the message of Jesus: “Love God and love others.” “Know who you are.” “Seek God and you shall find God.” “Care and be generous.” “Don’t judge.” “Be true to yourself.” “Be a light in a dark world.” “Always help when able.” I mean, these are things that we should do as human beings and in this way we are God on earth.

Love: Could you imagine (like the song by John Lennon) if we were all guided by love that there would be no more wars, no more boundaries, no more hate, and no more laws. Equality would never be questioned because it would be a given. Judgment is unnecessary because grace and mercy would abound. There would be no prisons. No poverty because everyone would help out another. Peace. There would be peace for once.

This was the message of Jesus, but we always draw lines and we always place our boxes there on the front line. We so love our boxes. I know this will never happen because humans will always behave as humans. There will be no heeding this message of Jesus.

But, I ask YOU – the person reading this – to leave your box. YOU start the forward progression because if only one person starts, and then another starts, soon we will have a world of people progressing in this path of peace. God isn’t in any box – God transcends boxes.

Peace be with you.

My Soundcloud Music Site…

[My Soundcloud Link will be at the end of this post.]

I’ve been playing guitar a long time (since I was 12).  I haven’t really paid attention to it as an instrument until around five years ago as I readied for  my divorce and eventual divorce in 2011.  My calloused fingers will attest to the fact I’ve recently been enjoying playing my guitar…A LOT!  It’s a nice little acoustic/electric Takamine EG140SRC, as you can see….  For the price, this is honestly a fantastic little guitar with great action and a superb sound with that hollow little Rosewood body.  (It was a gift back at the turn of the millennium, and next to my car, the nicest thing my ex ever bought me.)

Taka full body

My little beauty, Taka, that I taka everywhere.

And with the onslaught of constant guitar play I began writing songs again.

Now, I went through phases of guitar play and songwriting.  First, was my 70s teen era of the singer/songwriters like Joni Mitchell, Joan Baez, Carly Simon, James Taylor, Jim Croce and Carole King; not to mention, the big acoustic heroes on the guitar like Dave Crosby and Neil Young, or Bob Dylan.  Well, like many teens of the 70s I wanted to play guitar in hopes of becoming an awesome singer/songwriter.

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man...yeah, not happening

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man…yeah, not happening

Well…that never transpired.

I then went through a phase in the 80s where I became a music major, took a guitar class and was made to feel incredibly untalented because I had learned to play by watching others play guitar and was not an accomplished classical guitarist.  I picked the guitar all wonky and unclassically buffoony…and just wrong…as my instructor was quick to tell me whilst giving me an F.  (Yes, I like to use non-words!)   I left music with my guitar tucked between metaphorical legs, and basically, really stopped playing.  It was a very low time for me.

"I said meow!  MEOW!...or I'm covering the other eye too.."

“I said meow! MEOW!…or I’m covering the other eye too..”

I then became really God-centric in the 90s with my family growing and loved singing in the church choir and was suddenly thinking of writing music again.  At the end of the 90s my ex bought me a slash, Birthday/Anniversary gift, as I recovered in a hospital bed after a hysterectomy.  It was a very sweet gift from him and the kids.

I began to write songs on my guitar again, but there was still something that didn’t feel right.  And so, I began writing novels instead and my poor little guitar sat alone for another decade… until.

As I grew closer to God while searching to know truth and to know who God is, who I am, and who was Jesus, I had my personal epiphany.  God, I realized without a doubt, is more than what we read about in the Bible.  Once I saw outside this self-imposed Christian box it brought me to enlightenment in all types of creative ways.  The guitar even took on a whole new life for me, as I stood outside one night around a year ago, and looked up into a very dark sky and felt the Spirit within, blazing and lighting the darkness.

Words.  Words came to me fast and furious and the music simply fell into place.  I wrote four songs in a day.

Impressive, young padawan...

Impressive, young padawan…

(Yes, I know that sounds all hokey and weird, but I really felt the epiphany of my life as after heartbreak, heartache, and self-awareness grew, I had made a big step closer to God.)

With that step, came music, and it comes very naturally for me.  The guitar is becoming an extension of my fingers, hands and arms.  It’s a very soul-thing when I play.  I enjoy it in a way I’d never enjoyed playing guitar before.  I hope that shows in the new music I’m writing.

And so, after all this explanation and a bit of biographical info, I decided to start a Soundcloud page last year thanks to the help of my friend Maeve (who also recorded the only more professional sounding song, Everything About You I Simply Miss, on my site).    The music is not at its best because I recorded with just me and guitar in my bedroom and a little Tascam.  As I progress in my recording ability and learning how to put together a better sound and adding drums and such, it will progressively grow into a better product.  I guess you could say these are my songs unplugged…? haha

Thank you for reading, and I hope eventually listening. ^__^

Val’s Soundcloud Link

Joining the Tweetvolution…

Okay, so I just joined Twitter.   I called my Twitter account, Valsisms, which they wouldn’t let me place an apostrophe because it’s supposed to read as,Val’s ‘isms.  (An idea I got from my new friend after I wrote her a card with a Val’ism inside and realized, “Whoa, that’s not a bad idea for a Twitter account name!”)

Now, this is something I’ve feared for years (months?) because I’m never sure if I’ll write something incredibly stupid, or incredibly… stupider.

The thing about instant messaging is that it is “instant” and therefore hard to remove once it’s out there.  It’s like conversations with people you’re only acquainted with and you incorrectly throw out a word that doesn’t mean what you intended and then you can’t take it back.  It’s out there.  The person leaves your conversation secretly thinking you are a dumb person.  (Why do I want the approval of others, let alone others I don’t know all that well?)

We all want to be seen better than we possibly are.  But then again, maybe we are better than we possibly think.

And so, I guess what I’m trying to convey is that I’m glad I joined Twitter and will soon be tweeting hopefully thought-provoking and humorous little tidbits of wisdom.

And please, feel free to follow me (like a stalker, but an approved stalker).


The Jesus Sayings and my neglect…

Oh blog, how I have neglected you… 

I realized I go through periods of “shiny things that capture my attention.”  At times it is a new hobby (I walked every day for a week), a TV show (first Downton Abbey and now Game of Thrones – GoT is so awesome!), a book (like the one I’m about to comment on), playing my guitar and writing music (which I have been doing a lot of lately!), a new woman in my life (very shiny and pretty at times), or simply the fact I am tired and at times lazy.

Anyhoo, onto the book:  I just finished reading my favorite book of this new year:  The Jesus Sayings: The Quest for His Authentic Message, by Rex Weyler.


Its a nice mix of archaeology, history, and cultural anthropology, all done with journalistic integrity and a writer’s panache.  It was not only informative, but enjoyable to read as Mr. Weyler shared his own childhood searching and longings, his grandmother, a beautifully lovely spiritual heart, Francis of Assisi, and his own son and the natural generosity of children.  It was easy to understand and incorporated fantastic historical detail with no bias.  (Its so difficult to find a writer that doesn’t invoke their own bias into history.)  He wasn’t afraid to look at the Thomas and Mary writings, or any of the other books out there that have been rejected by the established church, and purged because of, and I’ll just copy from this book:  “Crossan, one of the most highly respected scholars of Jesus history, points out that our search is encumbered by three ‘giant filters’, since ancient history was recorded by (1) elite, (2) literate, (3) males.  …All histories are reconstructions.”  Our Bible, that we read today, is merely a reconstruction of years of bias following the above standards with added mythology and poetry.  The more you read the Bible the more you realize this and then you might possibly begin a search as I began that lead me to here.

Should you be afraid of losing your faith if you ask questions or use your mind to search for truth?  Never.  By golly, we have  minds to use, not simply leave on a back-burner and allow another to feed information to!  We need to seek for ourselves.  We need to be open to other ideas and possibilities and then never stop being quiet and listening to that still small voice of God within.  There is one thing you find a common theme of what Jesus consistently said:

Seek and you shall find.



Listen and you will hear.

Love and be generous (sharing)

Know yourself.  Be true to yourself and your nature.

By the end of the book I found Jesus said exactly what I had found him to say through years of Bible study and time with God in meditation.  If you listen, you will hear.  If you seek, you will find.   His message was very simple.

It was exactly the book I was looking for when I began searching for Jesus; who he is, who he was, and what exactly did he really say while on earth.  This was merely one more step in my search for God.

I would suggest this book to anyone who says they love Jesus.

I’ll share what Mr. Weyler wrote in his last chapter as to what Jesus probably would have said on any given day while speaking to a crowd in Galilee (on page 308-311):

A Voice in Galilee

You wish to be healed and forgiven for your sins, and so it shall be, but my dear friends, you don’t know how lucky you are. You are fortunate to be poor and hungry.  Your suffering brings you closer to the true kingdom of God.  The rich are distracted by pleasures and power.  Look, they stand away at a distance.  They will gather up more riches and you will be deprived, but you are the lucky ones.

The kingdom cannot be bought. Nor is it something grand that will come tomorrow and be handed to you.  Here, this is the kingdom. These children. Be like these innocents.  See?  Their kindness is natural.  The kingdom is for ones such as these.  It is like a tiny mustard seed, almost invisible, but look how it grows wild in the fields and provides a home for the birds and little animals.

Seek this kingdom in yourself.  Look within. There is a light inside, and if you look, you will find it.  Everything hidden will be revealed to those who seek.  When you find this light, don’t keep it to yourself.  Who would light a lamp and then put it under a basket?  Shine your light from the hilltops.  Speak out.  Tell others.  Do as we do.

Look. We have nothing.  No staff, no food, no extra clothes.  Don’t worry about what you will eat or wear.  Look at the birds. See these lilies.  They don’t slave away or worry, yet they are fed and adorned more gloriously than the kings.  Your father in heaven loves you as much as those birds and flowers.  Accept what is given to you from this bounty and take care of others.  That is the Father’s kingdom on earth.

The lawmakers there say we have sinned because we healed our neighbors on the holy day.  We have no day of rest.  Even the birds have nests and the foxes have their holes. Yet a human has nowhere to lay one’s head.  They holy day was made for us; we weren’t made to serve the holy day.

Those of you with two good ears had better listen.

Do you want to live in this kingdom?  Then don’t call me master, but act on what I am telling you.  Don’t just hear these words, but do as we do.  Go among your neighbors, share whatever you have, give to anyone who asks.  You can heal the sick yourselves.  Tell them the kingdom is here.

But don’t act like those who pretend to speak for God, parade around in fine robes, and demand the best seats in the synagogue.  These priests take the keys to the kingdom, but they won’t enter and they won’t let your enter.  Don’t be fooled.  Be sly as a snake, but gentle as a dove.

I swear to you, I ask no one for authority.  I speak from what I know myself.  Love your enemies. Pray for them.  Share even with those who rebuke you.  If someone strikes you on the cheek, offer them the other.  If someone wants your coat, give your shirt also.  If you are ordered to walk a mile, go another mile also.  What do you care?  You have nothing.  What can they take from you?

Have you not heard?  Treat others as you wish to be treated. Be merciful and forgive others, just as you wish to be forgiven.  Don’t take your neighbor to the court of law. Settle your disputes among yourselves.  Decide yourself what is right and wrong.

And don’t judge your neighbors. Before you point out the splinter in your friend’s eye, maybe you should think about the timber in your own eye.  Do you see?  Can the blind lead the blind?

Wake up.  Look around you.  The kingdom is here, spread out over the whole world, and some people still don’t see it.  Imagine a merchant who gets a huge shipment of goods, but inside he finds a perfect tiny pearl.  Wouldn’t he want to keep the pearl for himself and sell everything else?  The kingdom is like that.  It is like a treasure buried in a field.  The landlord has no idea, but you can have that treasure.

Be generous, not just to your family and neighbors, but to anyone in need.  A man as robbed and beaten on the road and left in the ditch.  A priest and a Pharisee walked by and ignored him.  But a Samaritan passed by, cleaned his wounds, and put him up in an inn.  So who is your true neighbor?

Look. You know who is righteous.  What someone puts into their mouth neither defiles or purifies them.  What comes out of one’s mouth defiles or purifies.  Don’t just wash the outer layer like the priests and forget the inside.  Make the inside like the outside.  This is the kingdom.  You create good and evil by what you do.  Goodness comes from the good that a person builds up in the heart from a life of common decency.  Evil comes from evil work stored up in the heart.  Those who try to save their life will lose it.  Don’t gather treasures that will only be lost.  Store up treasures that remain.

Don’t worry about sins.  The lawyers can’t tell you what sin is.  Sin comes when you act contrary to your nature.  But when you know yourself, when you follow your nature, that is righteousness.  Male or female doesn’t matter.  In the kingdom there is no male or female.

Start now.  Do you think you cannot take up a holy life until you have raised your children or buried your parents?  Don’t wait.  Let the dead bury the dead.  Commit now.  A slave can’t serve two masters.

Beware.  Your own family may cast you out, but look at us. We have each other; this is our family.

In the kingdom, the first is last, the last is first. This little child, pure in spirit, is greater than the prophets.  Who has something to eat?  Bring it out.  Share it with your neighbor.  The kingdom is here.

This is what Mr. Weyler surmised Jesus would have said according to the proven historical documentation at hand.  Jesus’ message was very consistent.  I pray you all listen and start spreading your own lights into this world.  It needs it right now. ^_^

[And…I will try to update my blog more frequently and fix those pages under construction.]

My Novel for #NaNoWriMo – Everyone Is Crazy, But Me

I, for the first time, have decided to enter a novel for #NaNoWriMo.  It’s titled, Everyone Is Crazy, But Me.  It’s dark humor, romance, and dramedy, about a male lesbian who boards in a home of lesbians.  He decides to come back – fully awakened of his reincarnated past lives – to meet his true love, and this time get it right.  The only glitch is that she’s a lesbian and he is male.  But, he’s a very determined person who just might be crazy.

I got the idea after speaking to a few friends that are very positive about reincarnation, how they know for a fact they are reincarnated, and thought I could put a humorous spin on this way of thinking.  I am not knocking reincarnation.  I actually leave the thought of this open to anyone who reads about the subject.  We have to always come to our own conclusions.

But, I have to ask those who read my blog, “Would you like me to place the chapters here as I work on the story and then give me input?”

Please let me know in the comments section or email me.

I would love to hear your critiques on my writing.  It’s been so long since I’ve ventured into writing a novel again, and it feels almost like returning home after a long trip away.  My muse is coming back.  It’s a little bit frazzled and slightly lost, but I’m helping my muse along.  She loves coffee and I’m making sure she gets plenty.  She’s also asking for more wine and beer, but I’m really trying to keep her from becoming a lush again.  She used to drink so much when she inspired novels in me years ago.  *wink*  I also need to find an unlit cigarette, since I’ve heard e-cigarettes are very bad for your health.

Anyhoo, thank you and I hope you are all out and about and enjoying this beautiful Fall weather.  ^__^

The Fable, The Super Mario, and The Fun Had By All…

It’s Sunday and I like to post uplifting posts on Sunday; well, I like to be uplifting any day of the week, but I seem to be making a Sunday habit of posting today and that’s probably because I’m well rested and off work on Sunday; plus, its always quiet in my apartment on this day of the week.  And so…

This is where I’m going:  One of  my best buds in the world had a birthday yesterday and she was a bit down.  She’s had a very rough previous year and things just kept piling up.  Needless to say, her birthday would have been awash in wine and couch time with her puppies, or simply mulling over the past and sadness.  That’s a horrible way to spend a birthday.  So, we hung out and went to an art show in Dallas and she climbed a scaffolding (fortunately, no police were around) and took awesome photos, since she’s a photographer, and we ate food we’d never tried before, Bhan Mi, and then we drank Vietnamese coffees, and then went back to her place and I sliced my thumb horribly cutting tangerines to place in our Blue Moon Pumpkin Ales, which hurt like hell and bled like a Julia Child skit from SNL. But at least we had a good time.

And then Saturday night we went to a Halloween party thrown by a lesbian meet-up group with another good friend and all of us had a very, very good time.  A lot of lesbians attended and the woman I actually liked happened to be straight – ah well, thatsa how it goes.  I also met a cool hip-hop rapper who is extremely talented, and quite a few other women, one even tried to teach me how to dance.  I still suck at it and still dance like Elaine Bettis from Seinfeld.  They were all so sweet and nice and it was simply fun.  I dressed as Mario, the guy you like to play with.  Haha, badum!

Its'a me...Mario!

Its’a me…Mario!

(Don’t pay attention to the fact I took that photo in the bathroom.  It had the best mirror.)



The final product had yellow buttons.  It was a fun costume, and a good time was had by all.

Anyhoo, I wrote a little fable, Stop and Look Up, to cheer up my friend and edited it a bit and thought I’d place it here for your enjoyment.  When I was a kid I loved Aesop’s Fables.  And the thing about fables, they can have a little nugget of wisdom and truth within them, and sometimes you might not even realize it until days or years later, but they are fun to have around.  Please enjoy, and, as always, there is a surprise Youtube video at the end of the post. *winkwink*

Stop and Look Up…the Fable

Once there was a person – male or female, it doesn’t really matter.  We will call this person, Bob Chuck.

Bob Chuck walked up a hill – no, maybe a mountain – and it was a rough climb. All kinds of hardships to simply climb up a fuckin’ mountain – bears and lions, ohmyyy, weather, sprained ankles, broken nails, ripped pants, and not a bath in sight.  Bob Chuck grumbled for the most part of his/her climb.  (I’ll just call Bob Chuck a “her” for semblance.)

And so she finally gets to the top of the mountain.  And she’s all, “Whoa, what a pisser climbing up to the top of this fuckin’ mountain.”  And “blah blah blah” – yes, she said that.

Whilst during the rant of perpetual complaint a voice – no, someone humming a tune –  came from the bushes.  Upon further inspection she saw a cave and noticed a fire.  There were lush orchards around the cave and plenty of good smells, so she wandered over and there was a hermit there with two plates; one for her and one for him.

He picked up her plate, handed it to Bob Chuck and then stood at the edge of the mountain beside her and said, “Hi!  Beautiful view, eh?”  (The mountain hermit was obviously Canadian.)

And so, Bob Chuck finally stopped complaining and stopped and looked out at the view.  The beauty was almost more than she could handle and she nearly dropped her plate.  She could see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles…and more, oh yeah.

“THIS IS SOOOOOOO AWESOME!” Bob Chuck suddenly – and surprisingly – yelled, so that the echo nearly caused an avalanche.

Her hospitable host chuckled lightly and Bob Chuck stayed and lived with the hermit for many years, enjoying her hospitality. (Yes, I changed the hermit to a “her” because the hermit didn’t care to choose one gender or another.  She didn’t care…nor, did he.)

Bob Chuck soon became restless and decided it was time to leave the mountaintop and the hermit, and so she packed up her stuff and left with a quick, “Adios Padre, I feel the wind and it calls Mariah.”

“But your name is…”

“Let’s not get stuck on pleasantries, shall we?”

And Bob Chuck left the mountaintop and began her climb back down.  The trip down was even more arduous than the climb up.  It rained much more, and she fell down a few feet through mud and shit, and leaves just don’t cut it.  It was just a really hard trip, and with each passing day she’d forget a little more of the beautiful view and time on the mountaintop.  Until she finally came to the valley below and lived among the other people and began to listen to their words and their lives and became more and more forgetful of the beauty and time of the mountaintop.  Grumbling soon became her favorite past time, along with the townsfolk.

And then one day, as she was washing some underwear and hanging it on a clothesline, the hermit walked by and said, “Hi, beautiful view, eh?”

And she stopped, as he handed her a donut and a cup of coffee and looked up.  She stopped and looked up at the mountain and its beauty for the first time.

“AWESOME!”  Bob Chuck shouted, this time dropping her donut, and cup of coffee, and her voice echoed so that…

(And you decide the ending, my friends.)

  1. The avalanche came crashing down and killed all the people of the valley.   Good riddance grumblers.
  2. The echo reverberated across the land and the people all stopped to look up and enjoyed the beauty of the mountain for the first time.
  3. Bob Chuck and Hermit hooked up and had a merry time of wine and drink while partying with the townsfolk.
  4. You don’t care because you know that if you were Bob Chuck you would have never left the mountaintop.
  5. You realize there are many endings to every story when you are living it, and so, “AWESOME, what a beautiful view!”

The End

Have a Happy Sunday of wine, merriment, and whatever else you enjoy. 🙂  I’m going to take a nap.  I was up all night partying with my friends at a Halloween party and there are still funny little black pieces of material stuck up my nose from that Mario mustache. Doodoodoodoodoodoo…WooHoo!  *wink*

Haha, the guy we love to play with… ^___^ WooHoo!

Illusions and New Page: Joshua’s Wisdom

Hello all of you readers!

I’m announcing a new page on my blog, Joshua’s Wisdom, and I read this book recently, Illusions, by Richard Bach.  It’s a good little novella and so easy to read (I read it in a few hours).  What I found interesting is that I’ve suddenly met a few women who have read this book several times.  One – the one who suggested I read this book – actually lives by it; which, can’t be all that bad, and I like the person that she is so much.  I liked what he wrote at the end of the book, “Everything in this book may be wrong.”  That was the best part for me.  It made me happy that Richard Bach realized the one truth:  no one truly knows all truth and no one ever knows everything.  He’s actually still alive and flying his planes.

It’s so like a writer.  We think a lot.  We spend so much time alone, just us and the keyboard, that we can do nothing else but ponder and think.  Richard Bach has the added beauty of flying above the land, like a bird, and seeing the world at a vantage point not many of us see the world from; which, reminds me of something foolish I once said to a friend while there was a dispute.  I told her eventually you have to get off the fence and choose a side.  Well, at the time I hadn’t truly thought it out that if she were a bird she could simply fly up and off the fence, and look at both sides.  Perspective.

Anyhoo, a good book brings about ideas and hopefully helpful ideas for our readers.  We know we can write inspirational uplifting work.  There is always a book that simply is uplifting and you can read it over and over again, like Illusions.  That’s the cool thing about being a writer:  to know you can affect people in a good way.

I know once I put Mr. Bach’s book down I felt very happy and it reminded me to remember…to remember who I am and what I enjoy.  In that way, it was a very good book for me to read right now.  It was chock-full of sage advice.

Reading the book, also influenced me to begin writing down discussions with my son, Johann (his secret blog identity name).  I suppose it’s time to let you all know my son’s real name is Joshua.  Discussions with him have influenced most of my posts on faith and gay issues.

Joshua is a gift from God.  I say that because he and I almost died a couple of times pre-birth.  Me twice, and then while I was in the hospital for two months on complete bed rest he was in constant danger of not making it.  Because of this I prayed over my son in my womb constantly – not like I had much else to do stuck on a bed in a hospital.  And then one day, quite unexpectedly, I started bleeding like crazy.  Everyone thought Joshua was lost.  At that moment, I gave Joshua to God.  I said, this is like an Elisha moment, “God, you just raise Joshua and he’s all yours if you let him live.”

And so Josh lived.  He was a very healthy baby.  He was born with all types of physical ailments and problems that would eventually pop up in his early elementary and teen years:  Genetic induced kidney problems that have given him high blood pressure at an early age (this may even kill him at a young age), Tourette’s Syndrome and comorbid side affects like depression and OCD.  But, he is a man who loves God more than anything else, and lives like a monk in a little apartment in Texas.  I never had influence for him in this direction.  He didn’t like going to church and stopped at age 12.  He told me he couldn’t go.  Even as a child, he didn’t like hypocrites.  He has spent hours and hours in his room talking to God.  He will tell me things that I can’t believe since he’s never read the same writers or books I’ve read.  He hasn’t read the Bible, except for a few pages.  He goes to the source – God.  He doesn’t believe in hurting any creature – even spiders and bugs; much to my disliking, since I don’t like spiders.  God is in everything, but he knows God is also separate.  This is all part of God’s creation.  He, like Richard Bach, believes in several dimensions and worlds and creatures and things that we can’t see with the naked eye.

What I’m saying is that he’s already told me pretty much everything in Richard Bach’s book, which leads me to thinking that God speaks to those who listen.  There are many ponderers like Mr. Bach and Joshua…and sometimes even me.

Well, let me just let you see the page, Joshua’s Wisdom, and you decide for yourselves what to keep and what to throw away.  You see, everything I write could be wrong.

My Silly (or not so silly) Sunday Sermon: “Look Up, Little Ant…”

Have you ever stopped yourself just before stepping on an ant?  Have you ever looked at a small spider and reconsidered squashing him out of existence?  Have you ever thought Sea Monkeys’ really lived in small kingdoms underwater?

…  (Did anyone get the Supernatural reference?)

Do you look at creatures that are smaller than you and feel a certain empathy toward them because they did something out of the ordinary, unexpected, something that made them stand out?  They made you feel sorry for them and cruel for killing them and you paused and stopped yourself?  You let this one go because you had a moment where you bonded?

I believe everything around us is a lesson of God.  And so…

Lisbeth and the Ant…

My daughter’s bathroom at our apartment has had some ants sneak in.  There have been maybe 20.  They are gone now, but for some reason there was something attracting the ants to her and her boyfriends bathroom.

So, my little Lisbeth was squishing ants in the bathroom.  (Who wants an ant crawling up their pants while trying to potty?)  She had already killed maybe five or six when she was about to squish the last ant in this final group, but stopped herself.  The last ant began to run in circles, fearing for his life.  He suddenly stopped and looked up at Lisbeth.  He just stopped, as if realizing this was it.  His little ant face and feelers twitched and then he looked up at her.  “Fine, I will go gently into that dark night slayer.”

Well, this made Lisbeth feel sorry for the ant.

She had a bonding moment.

Of course, she ended up killing the ant anyway, but there was a moment.

Hah, the anticlimactic ending!

[EDIT:  Okay, I found out a week after I posted this that my daughter did not kill the ant.  She felt sorry for the ant and so I’m sorry if I made it seem she was a cold blooded ant killer.  She is obviously more merciful.

Okay, on with the story…]

God and the Ant…

It got me thinking after Sarah (I’m just going to call her by her real name and no more pseudonyms, despite loving the name, Lisbeth)  relayed this story about us and God.  Yes, its like we’re all these tiny ants crawling around and every so often we get into his private space – his bathroom.

Before you all guffaw at the metaphor, please let me make my case.

Okay, so because this world is so big and this is God we’re talking about, God’s bathroom or den or entire house could be the metaphor of where we are walking around, but you get the gist.

So, we happen to be the one ant who stops and looks up at our creator, or possible destroyer with one stomp of a foot, or our person of power when we have no power in reality?  What if we happen to be the ones who notice God?  The one ant who asked to be shown mercy?  The one who suddenly wakes up to the fact that we are just tiny ants and there is a God that could strike us down if that’s what He/She wanted to do.  But this God is better than Lisbeth (a.k.a. Sarah) the Ant Killer – whom we now know was convicted for a crime she didn’t commit – and would never do such a thing…but, we really don’t know that.  Do we?

I’ve been thinking over why do some people seem to have a “relationship” with God and others don’t?  Why is it that some people couldn’t give a damn of heaven or hell (a place I don’t believe exists, but…that’s your choice), or if God exists or not?   Why do some seem to accept atheism so easily and others will fight tooth and nail throughout their lives trying to prove faith and God?  Why are we all so different when it comes to having a relationship with God?  A creator?  No matter if you believe in the Judea-Christian God, the Allah, the Supreme Higher Power, or Alien super races that have bred us?  This is what I wonder.

Why do some care and some not care if there is a God or not?  Does it matter?  Does “you” recognizing the presence of “God” matter in regard to your life and possible after-life?

I think our decision does matter.  Please, you are free to question what I write, but I hope this makes you think.

Let’s pose this…

I think either we choose to keep running and eventually get stepped on, or we decide to stay on the outside and not enter God’s space – just live and let live – or, we choose to walk forward, look up and start bonding with the one with all the power.  We choose to communicate with this God and therefore it sets us apart from the other ants.

Think about this:  Do you simply spend time talking to your creator?  Do you ever consider that maybe God wants to hear from you?  Maybe God wants to know that you care enough to talk to Him/Her.  Perhaps this is the only difference between you and the ant that got smashed.  You decided to stop and talk to the one who holds life and death in His/Her hand.

Maybe because of God’s kindness, empathy and concern, that’s all God really wants.  What if God made a race of humans with free will because God wanted these humans to seek Him/Her out throughout their lives?

Again, you are free to question anything I write.  I am simply postulating some ideas.

In my belief system, I believe there are tons of dimensions and universes and angels, demons, and all types of creations in the expanse of God.  Now, this is not set in stone because only a fool says they know all and know all the answers.  And so, I pose questions and conclude that I am sure of one thing – there is a God.  That’s all I am sure of, but how we relate to God and how God relates to us I am never ‘quite’ sure.

Let’s say all the creations of God know God for a fact.  They hang out with God.  It’s not an issue.

Let’s say God gets bored one day and decides, “I want to see if there is a creation that will seek Me out, love me, want to be around me, without knowing that I am the Creator of all and the most powerful being for a solid fact.  What if I want a creation that wants me so much they seek me out, rather than knowing I’m here as a given?”

There are other beings and creations that are bothered that God thinks highly of us.  We are the creation that are too dumb not to just plainly see God.  It must makes us seem so dumb to those who know God.  Maybe there are some that like us and some that don’t.  But we are God’s favorite creation.  We are the apple of our God’s eye.  God even sent forth a Son (one of many sons and daughters), Jesus Christ, to relay this message of love that God feels for us and wants us to spread to other humans.

Jesus Christ had to be born at a certain time of earth history where the message would spread.  There are others who have had messages from God like Jesus Christ, but certainly none as popular.  There are even some who received messages from demons (texts written on lies or half-truths), or written from their own bias, from their own imagination, and have been as popular, but Jesus Christ had the true message.  We know this because other messages have been from the standpoint of hate and judgment, and God’s message is from the standpoint of love and mercy.  Mercy is gray, but judgment is black and white.  Mercy understands and judgment is unbending.   Everything about Jesus’ message is based on the fact we are all in this together and judgment places levels and castes and “they” against “them.”

Immediately after Christ’s death on a cross the message was being scrutinized and manipulated for power.  Jesus knew this would happen – its so like humans.

God knew this, and God also knew there would still be those who would seek.  There would be those who would search ancient texts and then talk to Him/Her.  God is Spirit and so God could obviously speak to those who chose to ask and seek.

There are two ways to know another person.

If you are a journalist and about to interview someone for a biography what do you do?

Knowing God: The Biography…

First, you research what is written on the person from all the past information you have available, and find out everything you can on this person; and then second, you interview the person and keep talking to them.

This is how you get to know your subject.

What is the true personality of God?  We find out that God is not a judge, but merciful.  From the very beginning when God decided not to smite, but enlight-en.

Judgment came in the form of humankind seeing others, starting with the other sex and onward. We all live this judgment.  It’s called the cruelty of humankind.  Comparison.  One-upmanship.  Always either judging another according to how we think it should be or how we think it shouldn’t be.

Judgment kills.  Mercy gives life.

We see it in court systems and how municipalities are run.  We see it in life at every turn by those who carry hate and power and greed toward their fellow human and even toward the rest of creation, animals and the environment.

We want people to pay.  We want justice.  We cry out for justice consistently.

We kill the ant.

God chooses not to kill the ant but give it mercy.

But why?  Why?  In the same way you judge another you have already judged yourself.  (That’s based on some Scripture, but I can’t remember where…possibly Romans 2.)

But even more interesting is that there are those who decide they want to know God.  They want to see God.  They want to spend time talking and meditating with God.  And so God builds them a little ant farm and makes sure all their needs are met, and God loves to look over the little ants.  They recognize God when He/She feeds them and does things for them.

These individuals finally wake up to the fact that there is a God and they are in awe of God’s awesomeness, and all the other creations and this earth God formed for us to enjoy.  These people are the seekers and lovers of God.  These are the mystics and dreamers with their heads in clouds and at His feet when His Spirit indwells a faithful prophet and son.  These are the Mary’s of the world.  These are the Gandhi’s and Martin Luther Kings.  These are the ones who know there is more.

These are you and me, if we seek God with fervor.  We are just like Jesus Christ.  We are not him – of course not.  There was only one Jesus Christ.  But we are just like him in that we are sons and daughters who are able to love our God just as wholly and fully.  The same Spirit who indwelt Jesus Christ is the exact same one which indwells us.  So then…?


If you seek you shall find.  Be careful.  You might really find God and then what will you do?  What will you do when you figure out God is real?  What will you do when you see with the eyes of love, and thus see the eyes of hate looking back at you?  What will you do when you see the world is not as beautiful as you’d have hoped?  What will you do when you finally spot all the ugly and hate-mongering frothing from the mouths of power hungry political figures and leaders, or simply the manager at your store, or co-worker?  Any little bit of power over another begins to corrupt even the lowest on the social rung.  Big brothers killing little brothers?  Cain and Abel stories and those like these.

Will you love?

What would Jesus Do?

Haha, well Jesus died on a cross because He did see with the eyes of God, and He spoke the words of God.  That’s what it got Him:  a quick death sentence.  Of course, Jesus Christ rose from the dead.  What is death anyway?  Its simply a passing from one form to another.  Never let death worry you.  We all die.

“You are forgiven.”

Christ became known for being a sacrifice to forgive sin.  Why?  It is because the church wants you all to believe that you need them to be forgiven.  It gives the church power.  If the Christ message is one of forgiveness then you have some guilt and owe something.  If it’s simply a message for one and all about waking up and loving others, than the church loses it’s power.

So, “You are already forgiven.”  That’s a given.  Christ wasn’t a sacrifice, he was a mouthpiece and messenger.  He wasn’t a redeemer.  He was the redemption.  He told people, “yeah, sure, you want forgiveness – here.”

Christ was great at being sarcastic.  Much of that is recorded in all the writings on when Christ was here.  It must have been so frustrating for him to be plopped down with all this knowledge among such a patriarchal backward society.  It’s almost worse than being plopped down in Texas or Louisiana in this day and age.  Oh, how he must have been face palming consistently at how the ‘disciples’ just didn’t “get it?”  I think Mary got it and that’s why he hung out with her and a lot of women.

Christ didn’t forgive anyone.  He knew they were already forgiven since the creation.  He was just telling them again why God created this world and humankind.  Read and find out.  Read it in context and realize what Christ was really trying to say.

I listen to Christians speak now and what they say sounds so silly and misinformed.  They hung Christ on a cross, resurrected Him and then went on to worship Him for all the wrong reasons.  They built powerful religions over his death and resurrection.  They spent billions and billions of finances erecting temples and idols, and TV shows and products to sell.  Christ sells.  The cross sells.

Religion, not just Christian, sells itself by others feeling guilty, or ashamed, or that they haven’t done enough works.  It’s all about doing things to please God.

God was telling us that “I’m here.  I’m alive.  I hear you.  Love.  Love me and love one another.”  That’s all.  Stop sacrificing.  Stop killing.  Stop saying that you heard me thousands of years ago, but that you keep making it up as you go along.  Stop using me to prosper your own agendas.

The Ant farm…

And still the little ants, the simple little ants go about their lives in their little ant farm, but every so often one little ant looks up and notices the one who cares for them.

I was watching our Pomeranian, Fuzzy, listen to us talk.  We’ve owned so many dogs, but sometimes there is just that one dog that seems to really get what you are saying and watches you as if all of their life depends on you.  This is the dog you tend to get attached to and form a closer bond with.  And that is how Fuzzy is with me.  I love this little dog more than I’ve loved my other dogs.  I’m sorry to be so biased, but it’s true.  And I think this is possibly how God is with us.  The ones who give God our time, He/She does listen and begin to care for a little deeper.  I think that is why Jesus Christ was loved more than others.  Jesus truly loved and listened to God.  It makes me admire and love Jesus.

God wants US to talk to Him/Her.  God wants us to love Him/Her.  God likes us.  So start getting to know God, little ant.  Look up and see the one who cares for you.  It will amaze you how your eyes and heart and ears will open.  Seek and you shall find.

Jesus Christ sought and found.  God knew Jesus was coming to be born.  God knew Jesus was the Son who would finally deliver the truth.  All was set on the stage for God’s message to come.  Did we listen?

This is the message:

Love trumps hate

Mercy trumps Justice

Kindness trumps cruelty

A gentle word trumps a rude word

Joy trumps gloom

Hope trumps despair

Truth trumps lies

Goodness trumps ill will

Life trumps death

Peace trumps war and fighting

This is what Christ was trying to tell us.  This is what was supposed to be in the Talmud, and if you look closely you find this message in the Pentateuch.  This is what God wants us to know and there are a lot of false religions and belief systems that deny this truth.  There are also a lot of belief systems that understand this truth.  Followers of Christ are not the only ones who know truth.  But, its about time we start paying attention to why Christ came, because he had a message to give and share that is worth listening to.